The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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