Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Randomize
