As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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