What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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