Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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