she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize