i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We need a shit load of segways right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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