So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
