On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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