i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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