I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
