My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
