you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
