Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
