Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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