my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
