Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
