Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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