I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
