She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
