everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
