stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
