I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
