i just sent this text using only my big toe
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
