Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
