If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
