Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
