so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
