the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
