I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
