in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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