Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
