you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize