I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
