The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
