is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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