smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
