Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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