I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
