Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
