Someone shit on the floor
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
