She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
