dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
