Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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