...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
