It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Do vagina's smell?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
