Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
