trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
