Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
