What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
