I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
