"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this boner is exhausting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
