Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
