I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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