I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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