She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
