I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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