dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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