she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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