ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize