I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
