Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
