dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
