Jerry, you need to find god
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
