too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
