His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
