just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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