There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
