The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
