I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's just like the Real World with babies
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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