I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize