I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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