If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
