I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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