If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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