You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
