Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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