Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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