This is not my ceiling
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
