Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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