I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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