i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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