we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You're like the curious george of whores
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
