Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
