One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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