This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
